Jealousy of a man in relation to the exes of a partner is a common phenomenon that can ruin a strong relationship. The Internet is full of a variety of ways to get rid of the annoying feeling but not many are in a hurry to figure out the root of the problem, focusing only on unpleasant symptoms.
Did you feel vulnerable to an ex of your woman? Are you interested in the status of her past relationships? And finally, are you jealous of the invisible but potential rivals of the past? Male jealousy is like a hurricane! Just one thought will allow you to turn from a balanced man into a manic person who is looking for evidence where they don’t exist and someone even starts looking for pretty ladies online in revenge.
Why do we feel jealous?
It is believed that a person is jealous because of a lack of attention. Unpleasant emotions to ex-boyfriends of a woman cause self-doubt. A man is afraid of a new relationship, the future. At a time when friendship grows into love, we all draw rainbow-colored pictures in our heads. We like the future we invented and are afraid to destroy it and do something wrong. Doubts become paranoid. Sometimes certain actions serve as a basis for unpleasant thoughts. Unfortunately, a sense of jealousy for the ex-partner of your soulmate is familiar to many. Learning about exes of a loved one, we unwittingly begin to compare ourselves with them and the result is not in our favor. Look why painful attacks of jealousy are repeated from time to time:
- The old connection is still alive
It happens that there really are reasons for jealousy when a woman has not cut off ties with the ex, although she is in a relationship with you. She calls or chats with her ex, drinks coffee in a friendly manner or they meet at some parties.
- The partner constantly mentions the ex
Another case where you may feel that a woman has not completed an emotional break with a previous partner is if she is constantly talking about this person. She recalls grievances or pleasant moments, inserts them into the conversation: “But Mike always told me in such cases …” or “Sam couldn’t stand it.” In such situations, it’s hard not to be jealous: you feel that there is a third person in the relationship, even if in reality, he has not been communicating with your woman for a long time.
- You feel like “second class”
This paragraph suggests that the partner’s past has indeed been left behind, but the thought that she loved someone still hurts. You continue to monitor the pages of her ex, compare your appearance, successes, and achievements with your own, and are tormented that you seem worse than he.
- You believe in the myth of only one love
Love is mythologized both in our minds and in culture. For example, many agree with the idea of “one love for life” is a popular plot of films, novels, and songs. It is assumed that a person meets “the one” only once, their relationship may develop or not, but this love will remain the strongest in life. Belief in this myth makes you suffer: “What if I’m not that only one? What if it was her ex-partner, but am I just a replacement?”
Here are 5 signs when your jealousy is unreasonable
Distrust, control, interrogations, surveillance – all this can destroy even the strongest feelings. Think, maybe you have no reason for jealousy.
- You have great sex
If you are comfortable in bed, then there is no reason for concern. Yes, there is sex without love, but it will not bring you real pleasure. Truly, you can only be close to those you trust. It’s important not just to get an orgasm. A particular pleasure arises when you want to cook breakfast for your loved ones and make them feel special after a passionate night.
- If she behaves naturally at the mention of an ex-boyfriend
Indifference is always a good sign. Any emotions, including negative ones, are still manifestations of feelings. If her mood changes when remembering an ex-man, then this is a reason for jealousy. If not a single muscle on her face flinched when looking at a photograph of the ex-boyfriend accidentally lost in the album, then the fact is that the woman is devoted only to you.
- She is ready to tell you secrets
The more secrets from a partner (for example, blocking the phone and the computer), the more reasons for jealousy. So, if you have access to all her gadgets, then why nervous?
- You fantasize more than analyze
Jealousy is also the fear of losing a loved one. Sometimes the fear that a girl may leave you at one moment makes you commit silly things. Here we have lost control and common sense. You begin to imagine a mythical rival who destroys your relationship.
- She never compares you to other men
Of course, it is always interesting how your loved one lived before meeting you. Her childhood, youth, school love – all this causes curiosity. And you vividly imagine a boy she once dated, how he fought with a neighboring boy because of her, their first kiss… A wise man will take this as the plot of an old film that he will never watch again.
Basic tips for stopping being jealous
Jealousy has existed throughout the entire existence of humanity as well as attempts to get rid of it. Thanks to this, today we can use already tested methods. In fact, they are all based on the desire to realize that all your negative emotions towards another man are worth nothing at all, and are often completely unreasonable. It is important to find ways to stop being jealous of an ex of your loved one since it is a negative feeling, that is most likely able to destroy love.
- Find a hobby
The most effective method that helps stop being jealous of the ex of your partner is to distract. Someone immerses in the favorite hobby and more practical men completely devote to work. Any self-respecting man should be able to push his feelings into the background so that they don’t become an obstacle to doing more important and interesting things. This approach will not only make you understand how to get rid of jealousy but also show you in a favorable light. For those around you, you will become a successful and self-confident man who values his time and nerves.
- Pay attention to how often your girlfriend communicates with her ex
How much time does she devote to him? How often do they call each other or chat? Is there any serious reason for your jealousy? Perhaps your loved one doesn’t remember her for years and you worry in vain. Now watch your thoughts: how many times in the last week have you thought about him, made claims, or mentioned his name in quarrels? If you are overwhelmed by the idea that they communicate secretly, remember the theory of probability: this either happens or not. And regardless of your thoughts, this will continue.
- Make friends with her ex
Keep your friends close and your enemies even closer. Having met and made friends with him, you will not only learn about the degree of your girlfriend’s interest in the rival, but you will also learn a lot of interesting things about him and understand how to stop being jealous of your woman. In the end, even if she ever decides to restore the broken relationship, male solidarity can be an impressive obstacle to this and perhaps he will give you advice on how to stop being jealous in this situation.
- Don’t speak negatively about him
Realize that it was her personal choice, and its condemnation is likely to force the woman to take it as a personal insult. Look at the situation from a different angle: if she doesn’t speak badly of him, despite all past grievances and disagreements, this is an indicator of her decency and tact, which means that you are incredibly lucky that your chosen one has such qualities.
- Don’t talk about the past
Agree with your woman not to discuss each other’s past at all. Women, oddly enough, are coping with this quite successfully. So, control yourself, don’t ask too many questions and think that now you are a happy couple, and the past doesn’t matter.
If nothing helps
If you feel that your jealousy transcends all reasonable boundaries and turns into a real mania, and you can’t cope with it alone, then seek help from a psychologist. A specialist will certainly help you overcome the obsessive fear of losing a loved one and tell you ways to increase your self-esteem. And most importantly – never despair because there is always a way out! It’s time to think about why you feel so bad about the ex-boyfriend of your woman, identify the reasons and, if they really are not, then think about what to do and how to stop being jealous of the past.